Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Transitioning out of being our child’s secretary



How many of us have tried to help our kids make a transition before finally saying, “It was so much easier when I just did it myself!” From the time they started picking their own clothes to driving themselves into the mountains to ski, we wish that we could just do it for them. But the process from total dependency to total independence is sporadic and unpredictable. Heck, I still call my mom if I need to reach any of my cousins, so maybe the dependency never really ends. I’ve seen an 18-year-old girl confidently execute a road trip with seven friends but feel completely incapable of making a dentist appointment. Here are a few sanity-inducing facts to keep in mind:

  • Frontal lobes aren’t fully developed until age 26. That man-sized human in front of you is still growing into the person he’ll be, so don’t worry if it seems like all the wires aren’t connected. They’re not.  More info the teenage brain. 
  • Laws have changed so that we are not allowed to access our kids’ academic, medical, and financial records once they turn 18. It can be a hassle to try to keep taking care of things for them—or a really good excuse not to.
  • No one likes to look stupid, especially teenagers. We can help by simply running through the script, since we know what questions nurses, bank tellers, and financial aid people are likely to ask.
  • Gradual transitions with lots of confidence building will do the trick with the least drama. I’m having flash-backs to potty-training!




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